/December 28, 2018.
I am too lazy to fill in all the details but on the 18th I made my first venture out of my 4 walls when a friend picked me up and took me to the hospital and to the ATM and to the pharmacy and to a supermarket. Wow. Freedom. I appreciate how the animals must feel in the zoo, round and round and round for your whole bloody life. Suicide would be a serious temptation.

I have had challenges with BM's, BP's, and sleeping but things are working out.
I refused to take the sleeping pills and went cold turkey and didn't sleep for 6 days. Wide awake. The withdrawal symptoms are: insomnia, muscle spasms, sweating, and dry, dry mouth and throat. I started taking half the dose, and quit that last night. It is hard to say what is hallucination, dreaming, or wishful thinking but I feel that I am slowly but surely winning the battle, but I am bloody tired.

Lots of visitors over the holidays, lots of food and sweets, etc. These gifts I feel ok to share with others, especially those who have very little or nothing. We are over-blessed and sometimes don't appreciate it or ever recognize it.

Today, I drove for the first time since before the op. Only as far as the hospital and convent, maybe one mile. 5 minutes. IT seems ok to me.

I want to share this from Sr. JOan Chittister with you. She is a prophetess in our Church and in general.

So, have a relatively happy new year, with all the things you will need to cope and even grow in 2019, like love, patience, courage, strength, hope, determination, and good friends, as you are to me.


I can't find it now. I will send it later. good night.  Cas.