May 20, 2019

On the 14^th, I went to see my Eye Doctor, Casandra, who checked all but couldn’t get a good reading for the pressure int the eyes. She referred me to Dr. Pearse, an ophthalmologist who removed my cataracts. I went to see him the next day and he went through many tests but on in particular is of interest. It is the picture of the eye’s breadth of vision. The left eye was broad, but right eye quite narrow (glaucoma, destroys the peripheral cells limiting peripheral vision.)

 Ha. The picture was exactly the same as it was 6 yrs, ago when I first went to him. He was happy. He said that there was no deterioration in 6 yrs. Exactly the same. And it will be the same in another 6 yrs. The eye drops, every night, are working well. The pressure, 16 in each eye. He says, couldn’t be better. Nice to hear some good news once in a while.

It is now May 22, 2019

     Yesterday, May 21, Mike Pillay and his friend Benjamin, picked me up and took me to Hillcrest hospital where I was scheduled for another MRI at 11:30. We were supposed to be there at 11am and arrived at about 10:30 to check in. I was in my trusty wheelchair. A Doctor Rheeder (anesthetist) had decided to have a conscious sedation ready for me. Conscious but barely, like sleeping soundly though. It was past 11:30 and he still wasn’t there. I asked what was going on and was told that he was getting a 7month of child ready for a scan so we waited till 12:20. Then I had to get undressed and put on a lovely gown (underwear still on) but one that goes on frontwards. Ha. Have a wee and then he comes to push me to the room where the machine is. He asked me to climb up on the bed/table and I just looked at him. So he just picked me up like a new bride and laid me down in the machine, gave me a jab, and the next thing I Knew is that he was there saying it is all over. Finished. I was supposed to go see the neurologist who would go through the scan with me but because it was so late (about 4pm—I think the scan---whole spine and brain was about 1 ½ hrs. ). Mike had gone to fetch his kids from school and was back in time to take me home. Dr. Rheeder phoned the neurologist to tell him I wasn’t in shape for a meeting and he was sending me home. So, off we went, much like before, still a bit groggy and weak in the knees.

    I ate supper (hadn’t had any food since midnight the day before, except for a tiny sandwich which Mike’s wife had prepared for me). After supper, to bed since I didn’t think I would enjoy the news. Not much sleep last night but I phoned the Neurologist’s office this morning (Dr. Colin Wolpe) and his receptionist said there is a gap at 10:45 so I will be taken there, once again, by my friend Michael Pillay. I am anxious to hear what he has to say and I sure hope that he sees where the problem is so that we can get this thing over and done with and go back to some sort of normal living. In the meantime, I am requesting your prayers again and putting myself in God’s hands hoping for the best and getting ready for anything else. Take care. Fr.Cas

May 12, 2019

Dear Everyone. I have come to the conclusion that I have no real alternative besides postponing my home leave till next year. I am being plagued by constant spasms that are out of my control and this doesn’t allow me to live a normal life. The Neurologist and Neurosurgeon are going to look into the matter with a brain and spine scan (MRI). You can imagine how disappointed I am but….

I will keep you all informed about what is happening. I hope that there will be a happy ending. I am getting tired of hospitals now. I know that some of you have been there and done that so you know what I mean.

   In the meantime, loads and lots of love to you all and hope that I will see you all next year, the bionic, rewired man. Love and Peace, Cas.

May 10, 2019

There is more to this blog than I am including here but this is the most recent item.
I had an appointment with the neurosurgeon on May 7th, I told him that as far as I was concerned the spinal op was a success but ever since the knee op, the spasms returned again in full force. He had me check with Dr. Wolpe, the neurologist with whom he works and who made the original diagnosis. They then decided to have another up to date MRI.
     I went for the MRI yesterday, May 10th, and it was a disaster. Here is the report I wrote to the doctors....

May 11, 2019

Dear Drs. Van Der Merwe and Wolpe,

I am afraid that yesterday’s intended MRI was a disaster.

If my memory serves me right, I warned the team down there that I had involuntary spasm and needed some medication to cut out their activity. They said all would be taken care of. I reminded the receptionist, as we were waiting, that time was running out and we should be using this waiting time for the 30 minutes for the pill to take effect. Again I was told not to worry, all would be taken care of.

      I can’t remember taking any medication for the first MRI, but , as I had warned them, there were continuous spasm which I had no control over and the whole thing was spoiled.

    They then tried a second time and this time I remember the pill they gave me was not like the one you, Dr. Wolpe, prescribed. I guess that it was too weak because it too didn’t work.

     The third time (which never happened) I asked them to contact you, Dr. Wolpe, to get a scrip for the right pill (the pill that worked so well for the first MRI some months back. It was the tiniest pill I ever saw and only cost R8. Wow.

      On of their team volunteered to get the pill from the pharmacy with some of my money. She came back with two of those little pills and I put them under my tongue.

However, in the meantime, it was decided not to do the MRI today but to book the 21^st of May at 11am.

    In the meantime, the pills began to take effect. Wow. My legs turned to rubber and I had to have two hold me up, getting out to the car, getting into the car and then into the house when we finally got home.

    This morning, when I got up to take a shower, I still have more rubber legs than I expected and actually fell down at the entrance to the shower and again, after I managed to get upright again.Then I fell the third time and had to work my way on my buns to my bed where, finally, I was able to grab onto the end of the bed and lift myself up. I skipped the shower ( I was afraid to fall again) and went back under the covers hoping to sleep off the aftereffects of those powerful pills.

    I am really sorry to have wasted so much of your time, and I cursed the  source of the spasms.

    Dr. Wolpe, I think that if you get another scrip ready, I will come early to the hospital on the 21^st of May and collect the scrip from you and bring it with me to Jackpersad so we avoid a repeat of the last try.

     I  am really sorry, but I warned them that that was going to happen as I had no control over these involuntary spasms and they had to be put solidly to sleep if we wanted a good scan.

    Many thanks, again, for your continued concern.

Love and Peace, Fr. Cas. (James Lee Paulsen)

That's all for now. I am trying to sleep off the powerful effects of that pill that stopped the spasming.

May 4, 2019
     I am in good health and raring to go, but I am troubled by ongoing spasms that really shouldn't be. I will see the physiotherapist twice more and the neurosurgeon to get more feedback regarding this troubling matter. When I sit for a few minutes and then want to get up, holy moses, what a scene. I can hardly walk and it takes some time to get it calmed down. When I asked and even Googled about spasms after a knee replacement, it they should be expected, and especially after the spinal op, the answer was "it will slowly die down". Well it didn't and I don't know if that means that there are more nerve problems or what. So, after consulting with them again, if I don't get a straight answer, I may have to cancel the whole trip, which , for me at this exciting stage would almost be like saying "there is no God". Aside from that, all systems are go. Damn!
     Next week we should have an answer. I can't imagine me sitting in a confined airplane seat and then trying to get up to have a pee or to just exercise and going through all the strange contortions as I work my way back towards the toilet. Ha. 
   If it is the nerves again, that could be serious. I will let you know. But time is running out. Pray please.  Cas.


April 29,2019

    Holy Week was a scream. I have been moving around with elbow crutches, but at least I can move. But Bishop Lobinger and I didn’t want to leave Fr. Macarius alone here in the house while all went  the holy week services to the monastery or somewhere else. So we three did the services (cut down to the bare minimum) ourselves., Bishop Lobinger who is pretty deaf,  Fr. Macarius, who is almost totally blind, and me, barely movable. Ha. God must have smiled.

   Otherwise, things have been slow. I can drive but haven’t gone far not to push my luck. I went to the hospital to thank the staff for their support and prayers and to the convent to do the same and to talk to one of the sisters who had both knees done some time back and you would never guess it to see her walking. I also went shopping several times and to the pharmacy to get some medicines for the whole home leave time. Wow, expensive. But I said that I  didn’t think that the pharmacist in the US would accept a scrip that was written by a doctor in SA.

      On the 25^th I saw Dr. Naidoo and I knew that he was going to scold me because my leg still wasn’t straight, but he was very diplomatic and told me to see a physiotherapist. I made an appointment for the one who worked with me before I was discharged, and I am sure that she will also be unhappy, but I hope that she can help to get this leg straight before I climb on the plane on May 31^st to start my home leave. My appointment with her is on Thursday the 2^nd of May, 3 days from now. I was thinking of trying to get some physio help from St. Mary’s hospital but the people I contacted never got back to me.

    I also went to a local post office to renew my car registration. Less crowded than the registration centre. Ha. When I cam marching in with my crutches, I found there were about 20 people in front of them and I was at the last chair available, but I get really stiff if I sit for long so I decided to stand. After about 7 or 8 minutes, the lady who was at the counter came to get me and bring me to the counter. The clerk wanted to give me a break. I apologized to all the people (lots of Africans---I hate people who jump the queue and especially here in South Africa with our apartheid background, for a white to jump in front of so many Africans, is not a good move) and was happily surprised when, especially the Africans said, Mkhulu (Old man, grandpa, a word of respect for senior citizens and old people in general) telling me to go ahead that I deserved special treatment, not because I was white but because I was an old man who needed respectful help. I was really touched and thanked them for their kindness.

    My friend , Shirley, paid me a visit and brought a nice bunch of Samusas. Mmmmm. 

This morning I got a surprise phone call from Doctor Buthelezi, one of the directors of St. Mary’s Hospital. He asked how I was doing and what kind of operation I had had, etc. Then I aked him about the possibility of getting some physio there at St. Mary’s. He said he would contact the physiotherapist and get back to me. In a few minutes he phoned back and said to go to the physio dept. at St. Mary’s tomorrow before 10am. Hooray.

     I am hoping that we can work our a physio program to get this bloody leg straight so that I can walk nicely onto that plane.

  I will be having positive sweet dreams tonight.

 There were other things like visitors, a new lighter computer to take the place of the outdated Ipad or a Tablet, which would be better for travelling. But the main thing I am thinking about is getting ready for my home leave. I have already thrown things into my suitcase , the first stage of packing for the trip. Ha. I can taste it already.

     Thanks to you all for your love and support. I will be seeing some of you this summer. Take care and remember that one of the major lessons of Easter is that Good Friday is not the end of the story (whether it is Trump or something personal or a world going down the tubes). The end of the story is Easter, totally unexpected, unbelievable, never could have imagined it. There is always hope, no matter how bad things may be or seem to be. Easter means Hope, along with new life and lots of love. Cas

April 14, 2019---Palm Sunday

I am going out for a walk now and will be back , I hope, soon. I will do my exercises and then come back to put something in this bloody blog.

It is after the news and I am determined to write something, so here goes.

    During the past 2 weeks I have been blessed with occasional visitors, even including my dentist, Sr. Michael and the Cardinal (Napier).

There are a couple of major events that have taken place during this time. I am mostly doing my exercises faithfully every day but am not pleased because I can’t get my knee to be as flat and straight as my other knee. Maybe I am just rushing it too much.

     I have been having trouble with my bowels, e.g. is I know that there is something there but it just doesn’t want to come out. Lots of wind (people don’t know how true it is when they say that there is no fart like an old fart., Ha.) but no substance. No peristaltic movement. It got to the point where I had to use artificial means to get things moving and I don’t like that. So, I was advised to go to my internal surgeon doctor and ask what to do. I explained that I am going on home leave at the end of May and I don’t know how this is going to impact on my home leave. When I gave him a recent history of my ops and bm problems, he said, after an op, especially a spinal op involving nerves, it is normal for the bm to be disturbed. Not to worry. It will return to its own pattern after a while. In the meantime, do what you have to do (it may be a month of more) to keep clean, but don’t worry, it will start to develop its own new pattern. I was relieved to hear that. So, from time to time I will do my ritual cleansing and watch for the developing new pattern.

      On the 9^th some friends from the States arrived for a visit, coming up from Cape Town. They stayed at our guest house, Tre Fontane, run by our Mariannhill Sisters (CPS) . The whole day Wednesday, 10^th, we were on the road, visiting Glenmore Center where the Cardinal was having a meeting. We planned to catch him during the tea break and it worked…a whole half hour with him, and meeting lots of other people I knew who were also at that workshop. Then off to a lunch at Makaranga, a restaurant set in the middle of a semi wild garden, super beautiful. After that a visit to the Denis Hurley Centre in downtown Durban… a must for anyone coming to Durban.

    We closed off the night with a supper (dinner) at El Arish, where the Cardinal joined us for the meal and the evening. All were happy.

I hobbled through the day sometimes on crutches and sometimes with a cane but I managed to get in my exercises.

     The last thing worth mentioning is that on Friday, the 12^th, I tried driving. I had asked to mechanic who is next door to my garage to make sure that it was ready to go on that day. I was so disappointed when I opened the garage door and pressed the remote and there was no response. Dead as a doornail. I went next door to see the mechanic who was out and about but was back within 5 minutes. He simply opened the hood and reconnected the battery. All was fine. I went to the hospital to show off my crutches and to thank the staff for their prayer and then to the convent to do the same, but came a bit late.

    I also had a visit by the Srs. Of Mother Theresa and my friend Shirley. She brought some special bread which I use for toast every morning, as well as some yogurt and a chocolate bar (which disappeared quickly).

    So, that is about it. I still have to transfer some funds to people’s accounts for rents, tuitions, etc.

    We old timers celebrated Palm Sunday together here on our own. There were 7 of us. We blessed the palms and read the Passion like everyone else. Not much more to tell.

      I don’t sleep well at night because the anti-inflammatory I take doesn’t seem strong enough to stop the occasional spasm that could knock you out of bed. But aside from that, I am raring to go. I even started packing my suitcase yesterday. You can see that I am getting ancey and I want this leg and knee to be in good shape when I leave, but, whatever, I will be climbing on that plane on the 31^st of May.

     I don’t mention that we pray for this sick world of ours (demonstrations in Sudan and Algeria with the people demanding a total change of government---war again in Libya, what a waste.---More bombs in Pakistan and Afghanistan---not to mention Brexit, which scares everybody, our own troubles here in South Africa with elections coming up on May 8^th---not much choice but the ruling government which has betrayed the people with its greed and corruption, I mean really serious corruption….not to mention Pope Francis and his battle with the entrenched clerical culture there in Rome, etc. etc. etc.  Lots to pray about  and get involved in one way or the other…. The Hurricane Idai that wiped out a whole city, Beira, and left millions of people without food, water, anything. Holy Moses.

      Holy Week, especially Good Friday continues to be real in God’s people, who suffer with Jesus… his suffering is ongoing.

Easter means that when everything points in the other direction, hopelessness, there is hope, as unbelievable as it seems.

That’s enough preaching for now. I am getting ready for bed soon. Lots and lots of love to you all. And, a happy and hopeful Easter.   Cas.

HA.Here it is April Fools, April 1, 2019,

    I guess that it is pure laziness that I haven’t felt up to putting anything in my blog. I kinda wanna, but it never gets beyond that. Actually there really isn’t much happening apart from the fact that I continue to faithfully do my exercises, as painful as it may be, stretching and pulling what doesn’t want to be stretched and pulled, and it lets you know it. But I am strongly motivated (Patriarchal thoughts, male macho) by the fact that there are a good number of aging nuns who are far less physically fit than I (there’s the mach coming out) who must have done these very same exercises as I am doing and you would never guess, when you see them walking that they have had a or two knee replacements. Can I let these octogenarians put me to shame. As one of the famous independent homeland leaders once said, Oupa Gqoza, Boputhatswana,  “if he did it, I can did it”.

     On the 22^nd of March, my friend Shirley picked me up and took me to my “hairdresser”, hmmmm. For a haircut. Back and sides is all that was required. The post Christmas skinhead cut lasted quite a long time.

     I manage to go up to my room, on and off, several times a day because I need this or that or have to print something or make a photocopy, but I go up one step at a time, good foot first (that’s what they told me, to take the weight off the bum knee). (some fresh clothes, a couple of shirts, some shorts, underwear, socks, etc.

On the 24^th , Sunday, a family said they would like to come and visit me and is there anything I would like them to bring. I told them to come and bring three or four samusas. ( I was using WhatsApp, and the prescriptive text said to bring samuels…damn). They couldn’t figure out what I wanted. I had to send a second message but it was too late. Bloody prescriptive text putting the wrong words in my mouth.

   On the 25^th I had an appointment with Dr. Naidoo who took out the remaining staples. I told him that I couldn’t get it straight as I wanted and that is seems to be always swollen, and there were still times when there were some spasms. He didn’t seem perturbed but seemed pleased with what he saw and that picked up my spirits. He also gave me a scrip for the pharmacy for some combination anti-inflamatory, and pain tablets.  They certainly helped. But sleeping is still a problem. I don’t take a diauretic but I pee regularly, like Old Faithful, just about every hour on the hour. I don’t mind, because I can fall asleep again almost instantly, if there are no spasms or coughing fits.

  On the 26^th I finished my financial report. I make a financial report every month of what comes in and what goes out to our bursar, Br. Tendai, and he refunds me for my normal expenses. Many of you have sent  donations to Mariannhill to be used to help people, and I don that regularly too, but I don’t ask for refunds for that. I am trying to use the money for what it is intended, helping people…school fees or other school needs, rents, food, transport, house fixing after a storm, etc. etc. etc. Once in a while a doctor bill. One of the ladies who worked here went totally blind and she didn’t get paid for months and now has no income at all and no way of earning one (if anyone has a suggestion as to how a blind lady, 40 yrs. Old, could do something to earn a bit of an income I welcome any thoughts). So, from time to time I transfer some money to her account for rent, water, electricity, food and other monthly commitments she may have.

    On the 27^th Dr. Kheswa came by for his usual pop in visit ( he gives his time free to the sisters and us once a week and is available if there is an emergency any time). He noticed that I was speaking with a heavy voice and said he would order and anti-biotic and ask Br. Michael (Our home grown male nurse) to bring it to me. He never came and was only on the 30^th that he explained that either the doctor had forgotten or he thought I wasn’t ready for another antibiotic now (thinking that I might have been given anti-biotics by the doctor who did the job. I had no medication at all.

     There were a few visitors here and there but not many. I also check my own blood pressure from time to time. On Thursday the 28^th, it was 144/90/77, if you know how to read  blood pressures. Not bad for an old man.

     I just found out that those red pills are for pain. The other night I took two of them because it was very uncomfortable trying to sleep with complaints coming loud and clear from the abused knee. Then I found out that I was supposed to be taking 2 of them 3 times a day. So I worked out a schedule about every 8 hours so that it covers the territory for the whole day. It seems to be working. I am happy about that.

     Mike and Net Pillay just phoned that they will be coming by with the kids on their way back to where they go to school. They had a two week holiday and one of them, Amelia, celebrated her birthday. I will wish her a happy birthday and make a plan to do something special when I am more mobile.

    Hey, that’s it for now. See you soon. April 1^st. Time can’t go fast enough for me now.

    By the way, I checked on Google, how long the swelling of the leg lasts. Wow. They say, 3 to 4 weeks after the op, but even  3 to 8 months. Hey, pray for me. Love and Peace, Cas.

March 20^th, 2019

    It is actually the 22^nd today, Human rights day here in SA. Let me give you an idea what has been happening since March 3^rd.

March 4^th—feast of St. Casimir so that meant cake and some nice wine. Also my brother Bill’s birthday. I think he has passed the 70 mark. He is getting old.

Holy Moses.

March 6^th, Ash Wed. My resolution was to be a patient patient  when the knee got done. I will explain

     It was also the day when Katrina, my lovely grandniece arrived from Kenya after being healthily delayed by a strike. But she made it and spent some days catching up with old friends from the time in 2015 when she volunteered for the whole year to help at our orphanage. She had come back from the biggest slum in Africa, Kibera, in Nairobi, again volunteering, this time for only 6 weeks. She says that she learned a lot that is hard to put in a CV.

We had a couple of lunches together and a couple of beers too, although it was already lent.

March 9^th—in the morning we visited several friends here and there (me being the willing chauffeur). In the afternoon we visited the orphanage with the staff of Consolidated Travel who brought gifts and games for the kids and gave Katrina a chance to renew old friendships and start some new ones.

I quit taking services at the hospital and Savannah Park to give my knee a rest before the op.

March 11-14, my friend Steve Askin, a seasoned journalist, together with his wife, brought 8 Home schooled teen agers to spend a few days in and around Mariannhill/Durban. With some friends we organized some activities for the two days they had (12-13). They arrived late on the 11^th and wanted to leave early on the 14^th. In the meantime they tried to organize a trailer for all their luggage, and I tried to organize a mechanic to do a service for the vehicle. Unfortunately, the vehicle was a Nissan 12 seater made in Japan and bought in Zimbabwe. No parts available here. But and oil change and some basics were possible.

On the 13^th in the morning I said goodbye before they set of on a tour of our lovely area and I went off to the hospital for a total knee replacement which was done on the 14^th. One day in ICU, (Thurs. Op,   Friday half day ICU, Sat. half day ICU, rest of the day in the ward with a visit from the physiotherapist who taught me some basic exercises and we went fort the first short walk. Sunday, another visit from the Physio, this time a longer walk, not with the 4 legged walker but with some what are called elbow crutches. More and longer walking and more lessons and she said I could go home on Monday because she wished that all her 50 yr. old patients would be as good as this 83 yr old codger. Affirming. But I am determined to get on the plane for the home leave beginning of the 31^st of May, and I felt I needed more of her knowledge and experience so I asked he to come on Tuesday when the doctor also said I could be discharged.

So, since the 20^th, I have been here at Mater Dolorosa, old folks home, on the ground floor, trying to be faithful to the exercises bending the knee and making it bend a bit more each day and trying to get it to be straight, which is a real job, and it squeals when it feels that you are pushing it too much. Well they always said, no pain no gain, and here is a good example. I haven’t taken any pain pills yet but asked to have some handy just in case I want to jump out of my skin. The biggest problem is the bloody spasms. My let will just go into a spasm over which I have no control and it is like It has a very strong spring that forces the knee to bend almost totally and makes you want to scream. It has been slowing down but every once in a while it catches you off guard and you have to squelch a shout.

March 22^nd—some friends just went to get me some of those elbow crutches. If they bring them today I will start using them.

Well that is it for now. If I can get someone to show me how to put a picture in this blog, I will do it. Nice picture, with staples not stitches from above the knee to about 6 inches below the knee. Keep the prayers coming. Lots and Lots of love and really looking forward to the home leave and sooooo happy to have this op behind me. I just pray that nothing goes wrong now. Cas