Saturday, December 28, 2013

This is a shorter, more condensed version of what I sent in my previous blog. The Questions is still, what can we do to make " family " where there really is none, at least according to the traditional understanding of what " family"  is, which, for the majority of our kids here in South Africa, doesn't exist now, and probably will not be a part of their lives and they grow up and reduplicate the situation they are in themselves.

Only 33% of SA kids live with both parents

2013-03-11 12:42
Johannesburg - Only 33% of children in South Africa live with both their parents, the SA Institute of Race Relations (SAIRR) said on Monday.

SAIRR said its recent survey showed that only a third of the country's children lived with their parents and the rest lived with single parents, on their own, with relatives or in foster care.

Just over 39% of children live with their mothers only. About 4% live with their fathers only.

Eight percent of children lived with their grandparents, great aunts or uncles, but without their own parents.

Child-headed households, where the oldest resident is younger than 18 years old, accommodate 0.5% of children.

The remaining 16% of children included those living in care homes and with relatives other than their biological parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles.

‘Kids more likely to have problems’

Thuthukani Ndebele, a researcher at SAIRR said the living arrangements of children could have an impact on their future.

"Those who live without both parents are often more vulnerable to poverty and unemployment, and may also be exposed to various forms of abuse," he said.

Ndebele said SAIRR previous research suggested children who live without both their parents may be more likely to have behavioural problems or even turn to crime.

"Children living with both parents are statistically less likely to become teenage parents or drug and alcohol abusers, and perform better at school," he said.

Apart from burdening the elderly, the absence of parents could also contribute to an increasing state welfare bill, Ndebele said.

"For example, foster care grant beneficiaries increased more than tenfold, from just over 53 000 in 2001 to nearly 600 000 in 2011/12."

In 2011/12, foster care grants cost the government R442m, Ndebele said. 
- SAPA
Read more on:    sairr
Traditionally, the Sunday after Christmas is called Holy Family Sunday. The readings from Scripture give us a picture of the family that should be? where everyone loves and respects the other and the picture of the Holy Family, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, is a picture that we tend to romanticize. In reality, it was a family on the run, chased by people who wanted to kill the child, forced to flee to a foreign country, look for a job, wondering where life was taking them, etc. Much like the picture of what is happening today in DRC, CAR, Somalia, Syria, Palestine,Egypt, Iraq, you name it. The word " family" must mean something totally different to vast numbers of our fellow inhabitants of our planet that the rosy picture that we may have. Here are some shattering statistics for " family " in South Africa. As priests one wonders what should / can we preach. As someone, perhaps like you, who attend church and sit in the pews, what is the message that you can take with your today regarding " family ", your own and that of those of the rest of the world. Here is an article that is a bit long but I will send another shorter summary of this rather lengthy but devastating article.

Moneyweb News

Soapbox

Author: Gail Eddy and Lucy Holborn*|

04 May 2011 00:46

Fractured families: A crisis for South Africa

More and more children are growing up with absent fathers, and in singleparent households.

This edition of Fast Facts describes the situation of South African families. The effect of the HIV/AIDS pandemic on families is reflected in the increasing numbers of orphans and child-headed households. More and more children are growing up with absent fathers, and in singleparent households. Children growing up with one parent, or without their fathers, are at a significant disadvantage. Poverty exacerbates the impact of family breakdown on children.
Family life in South Africa has never been simple to describe or understand. The concept of the nuclear family has never accurately captured the norm of all South African families. Thus when we speak of South African families, we talk not only of the nuclear family, but also of extended families, as well as care-givers or guardians. In South Africa, the ‘typical’ child is raised by their mother in a single-parent household. Most children also live in households with unemployed adults.
South Africa has a number of unique circumstances that affect the structure and situation of families. They include its history of apartheid, and particularly the migrant labour system. Poverty greatly affects family life. The HIV/AIDS pandemic has also profoundly affected the health and well-being of family members, and has consequently placed an added burden on to children. Our research aims to highlight how family life in South Africa affects the prospects of children.
The research includes often underacknowledged influences on children and young people that affect many issues in South Africa — from violent crime, through to entrenching a cycle of poverty, as well as the values and norms South Africans hold. We also seek to describe the environment in which children grow up and through which socialisation occurs, in order to understand the influences and effects of social breakdown on families and communities, and ultimately on South Africa as a whole.
Orphans and child-headed households
The HIV/AIDS pandemic has had a profound effect on family life in South Africa and the sub- Saharan region of the African continent. Nowhere is this more striking than in the increase in orphans and child-headed households.
Of the 9.1 million double orphans in Sub-Saharan Africa in 2005, around 5.2 million (almost 60%) had lost at least one of their parents to AIDS. Without AIDS the total number of double orphans in sub-Saharan Africa would have declined between 1990 and 2010.
In South Africa itself, there were 859 000 ‘double orphans’ (children both of whose parents have died), 2 468 000 paternal orphans, and 624 000 maternal orphans in 2008. Levels of violent deaths could help to explain the prevalence of paternal orphans over maternal orphans. More than a third (11 314) of non-natural deaths in 2007 were caused by violence, 87% of which were male. However, this alone cannot explain the high number of paternal orphans, some of whom may also be accounted for by children whose fathers have never been known.
A total of 3.95 million children had lost one or both parents by 2008, an increase of about a third since 2002. The number of double orphans increased by 144%.
Almost half of all orphans, and two-thirds of double orphans, were between the ages of 12 and 17 years.
The United Nations Children’s Fund (Unicef) estimated that in 2007, some 2 500 000 children in South Africa had lost one or both parents due to all causes. Of these children, more than half had lost one or both parents as a result of AIDS. Some 510 000 children had lost both parents as a result of all causes.
By 2015, some 5 700 000 children would have lost one or both parents to AIDS. Some 3 100 000 children under 18 years would be maternal orphans, and 4 700 000 would be paternal orphans, according to the Medical Research Council in 2002.
Although the HIV/AIDS pandemic in South Africa has stabilised, and the infection rate is now starting to decline, the number of orphans will continue to grow or at least remain high for years, reflecting a time lag between HIV infection and death.
This means that although HIV infections are decreasing, the people that are already infected will continue to die once they progress from HIV to full-blown AIDS.
Orphaned children are at a significantly higher risk of missing out on schooling, living in households that have less food security, suffering from anxiety and depression, and being exposed to HIV infection.
These risks are higher if a mother, rather than a father, died.
Widowed mothers were more likely to assume responsibility for the care of their children than widowed fathers — making children who have lost their mothers less likely to live with the surviving parent, compared to those who lost a father. Survival of the youngest children — those aged 0-3 years, was at stake when mothers were dying or had recently died. Such children were nearly four times more likely to die in the year before or after their mothers’ death than those whose mothers were alive and healthy.
A study by the University of Cape Town on the impact of orphanhood on school performance followed children over a number of years. It found that those whose mother had died were less likely to be enrolled in school, had completed fewer years of education on average, and had less money spent on their education than children whose mothers were still alive.
The relationship to the caregiver is very important after the death of one or both parents. A study by Unicef showed that the closer children remain to biological family, the more likely they are to be well cared for, and the greater the chance that they will go to school consistently, regardless of their poverty level.
According to the Department of Basic Education, in 2008 some 481 994 ‘double orphans’ were enrolled in ordinary schools. Another 1 661 275 children whose mother or father had died (single orphans) were enrolled in school.
The number of children receiving the foster child grant increased by 88% between 2005 and 2009 from 271 817 to 511 479.
The grant was increasingly used to provide financial support to caregivers looking after children whose biological parents have died of AIDS. In 2010 this grant was R710 a month.
The experience of orphanhood was compounded for some children who did not have care-givers, and lived in child-headed households.
In 2008 some 98 000 children (0.5%) were living in childheaded households (where all members are younger than 18 years old). This figure has declined since 2002, when 118 000 (0.7%) were living in such households.
Between April 2007 and March 2008, some 23 898 childheaded households received services such as psycho-social support; linking children with relatives and family; or facilitating access to official documents, social grants, and food parcels, from the Department of Social Development. This means that not all children living in childheaded households were receiving assistance from the department.
One assumes that children living in child-headed households do not have either of their parents’ alive. However an article in the journal AIDS Care found that 62% of children living in child-headed households in 2006 were not orphans. Altogether 92% of the approximately 122 000 children living in child-headed households had one or both parents alive.
Some 81% of children in childheaded house-holds had a living mother. The article said that the most likely explanation for this was that parents were leaving their children to travel to other provinces to find work. However, alcoholism and drug abuse among parents were also possible explanations of this trend.
Children living in child-headed households are also assumed to have much lower school attendance rates than children living with parents or other caregivers.
However, AIDS Care found that rates of school attendance were not significantly lower for childheaded house-holds — 95% for child-headed and 96% for mixedgeneration households.
Nevertheless — and unsurprisingly — levels of poverty were higher among child-headed households, 47% of them having a monthly household expenditure of less than R400 compared to 15% of mixed-generation households.
Single-parent households Only 35% of children were living with both their biological parents in 2008. Some 40% were living with their mother only, and 2.8% with their father only, which leaves 22.6% of children who were living with neither of their biological parents.
A breakdown of single parents in urban areas showed certain trends. In 2007, some 44% of all urban parents were single. Some 52% of African urban parents were single, as were 30% of coloured parents, 7% of Indian parents, and 24% of white parents.
An age breakdown of urban single parents showed that 13% were between the ages of 16 and 24 years, 33% between 25 and 34, 23% between 45 and 64, and 24% between 35 and 44.
Some 31% of African urban single parents were unemployed, as were 25% of coloured, 14% of Indian, and 5% of white parents.
Some 79% of African urban single parents were female, as were 84% of coloured, 64% of Indian, and 69% of white such parents.
Thus urban single parents were overwhelmingly African, female, and between the ages of 25 and 34 years. Unemployment rates among urban single parents were also high.
These figures are similar to those in the 1998 South African Demographic and Health Survey, which showed that 44% of firstborn children were born before their mother had been married.
Thus it seems as though the marital status of the parents is very important as to whether the children will have both parents in the household. Children born to unmarried parents are more likely to live in single-parent households, than those with married parents.
Research conducted in the United Kingdom by the Londonbased Social Policy Justice Group shows that single-parent households were two and a half times as likely to be living in poverty as couple-parent households.
The 2001 South African census showed that only 43% of children aged 0-4 years had both parents in the household, as did 42% of children aged 5-13 years, and 42% aged 14-19 years.
Once again there were significant differences between racial groups. In the age group 0-4 years, 38% of African, 56% of coloured, 85% of Indian, and 86% of white children, had both parents in the household. Similar trends were evident in the age groups 5-13 years, and 14-19 years.
The 2001 census showed that 76% of households were made up of nuclear or extended families. The proportion of households that were made up of nuclear families decreased between 1996 and 2001, from 46% to 40%, while the proportion of households made up of extended families increased from 32% to 36% over the same period.
All race groups saw a rise in the proportion of households with extended families over this period.
Among Africans there was a decline in the proportion of singleparent households, but an increase in the proportion of single parents living with relatives.
For all race groups excluding white people, there was a decrease in the proportion of households comprising a couple and children. All race groups saw an increase in the proportion of households with couples, children and relatives between 1996 and 2001.
Rates of marriage and cohabitation also differed significantly between population groups.
In 2003, some 21% of Africans were married or co-habiting, compared with 36% of coloured people, 51% of Indians, and 58% of white people.
Absent fathers
What is evident from the above data is that South Africa has many single-parent households.
Although HIV/AIDS has had a profound affect on the number of single parent households, there is another worrying trend — the increase in the number and proportion of absent, living fathers.
International research echoed by the Human Sciences Research Council (HSRC) on the effect fathers have on their children’s development suggests that the presence of a father can contribute to cognitive development, intellectual functioning, and school achievement. Children growing up without fathers are more likely to experience emotional disturbances and depression.
Girls who grow up with their fathers are more likely to have higher self-esteem, lower levels of risky sexual behaviour, and fewer difficulties in forming and maintaining romantic relationships later in life. They have less likelihood of having an early pregnancy, bearing children outside marriage, marrying early, or getting divorced.
Boys growing up in absentfather households are more likely to display ‘hypermasculine’ behaviour, including aggression.
These findings correspond with research from the United States, where it was found that the absence of fathers when children grow up was one of a variety of factors associated with poor educational outcomes, anti-social behaviour and delinquency, and disrupted employment in later life.
Ms Linda Richter of the HSRC has said that the influence of a father is both indirect and direct.
The indirect influence includes support for the mother as well as influencing all major decisions regarding health, well-being and education of children – for example, access to health services, nutrition, as well as the length of time spent in school. A father’s influence is direct in terms of educational level or length of time spent in school, educational achievement, self-confidence, especially among girls, as well as adjustment and behaviour control among boys.
Research published in a journal, Adolescence, in 1999 found that South African secondary school pupils with their fathers present outperformed pupils with absent fathers in all subjects.
However, Mr Robert Morrell of the HSRC has argued that data about absent fathers can tell us only so much, as physically absent fathers may still be emotionally present in their children’s lives while physically present fathers can be emotionally absent. Thus the emotional availability and involvement of a father in a child’s life can be more important than the physical presence of fathers in the household on a day-to-day basis.
Another view was found in an ethnographic study in Botswana. It concluded that, ‘children are not necessarily disadvantaged by the absence of their father, but they are disadvantaged when they belong to a household without access to the social position, labour, and financial support that is provided by men.’
Whether the parents of children are married or not also plays a role in whether the father will be absent or present. A study in Soweto and Johannesburg found that only 20% of fathers who were not married to their child’s mother at the time of its birth were still in contact with their children by the time they were 11 years old.
The latest available data about fathers in South Africa, shows that the proportion of fathers who are absent and living increased between 1996 and 2009, from 42% to 48%. Over the same period the proportion of fathers who were present decreased from 49% to 36%.
A racial dimension was evident in trends of absent fathers. African children under 15 years had the lowest proportion of present fathers in 2009 at 30%, compared to 53% for coloured children, and 85% for Indians, and 83% for whites.
The proportion of African children under the age of 15 years with absent living fathers increased between 1996 and 2009 from 45% to 52%. There was also an increase for coloured children (from 34% to 41%), and for white children (from 13% to 15%).
The proportion of children with absent living fathers decreased only among Indians (from 17% to 12%).
A rural-urban dimension was also evident, with 55% of African rural children under the age of 15 having absent living fathers compared to 43% of African children in urban areas.
In 2002, some 33% of African children under 15 in rural areas had present fathers, compared to 44% of African children in urban areas.
What is particularly of concern is that both the number and the proportion of children with absent, living fathers are increasing in post-apartheid South Africa, particularly among Africans, when one would assume that they would decrease as a result of the end of the migrant labour system. The numbers and proportions of children with absent living fathers are increasing among all race groups except Indians.
Moreover, out of all countries in southern and eastern Africa, South Africa had the lowest proportion of maternal orphans living with their biological fathers.
This was at 41% compared to 65% in Zambia, which has the highest proportion, according to data from 1995 and 1996. In contrast, nearly 80% of paternal orphans were living with their mother. This means that compared to all countries in southern and eastern Africa, South Africa had the lowest proportion of fathers looking after their children once their mother had died.
In South Africa, it was estimated by Ms Richter of the HSRC that around 54% of men aged 15- 49 years were fathers, but that nearly 50% of these fathers did not have daily contact with their children. The failure of men to acknowledge and/or support their children, together with high rates of sexual and physical abuse, which is perpetrated mainly by men, points to a situation of ‘men in crisis’ in South Africa.
Poverty and high rates of unemployment may contribute to large numbers of fathers failing to take responsibility for their children because they are financially unable to do so. Dr Mamphele Ramphele said in a book, Steering by the Stars: Being Young in South Africa, that, ‘Desertion by fathers is often prompted by their inability to bear the burden of being primary providers. The burden of failure becomes intolerable for those who lack the capacity to generate enough income as uneducated and unskilled labourers.
Desertion is not always physical, it can also be emotional.
Many men ‘die’ as parents and husbands by indulging [in] alcohol [or] drugs, or becoming unresponsive to their families’.
Legacy of apartheid/ migratory labour system
One important factor to take into account regarding the situation of ‘men in crisis’ in South Africa is the long-term effects of the migrant labour system, to which Africans but not other races were subject. Men had to come into cities and towns to seek work, and were separated from their families, who were forced to stay behind in homeland areas.
In 1970, a doctor living in rural KwaZulu-Natal wrote: ‘Economic or even social analysis of migratory labour will fail to reveal the full picture of its cost in terms of human misery. To learn this you must listen to the lonely wife, the anxious mother, the insecure child... It is at family level that most pain is felt, and we cannot forget that African cultural heritage enshrines a broader, more noble concept of family than that of the West... Migratory labour destroys this by taking away for long months together, the father, the brother, the lover and the friend. Each must go, and no one fools themselves that these men can live decent lives in a sexual vacuum. The resultant promiscuity is but one aspect of the mood of irresponsibility. For your migrant is concerned with nobody but himself; his own survival is the only survival that he can influence by any act that he performs.’
Although the laws establishing the migrant labour system have since been repealed, migrancy still exists. In 2001, some 15% of households in South Africa received remittances from migrant workers as a source of income.
Moreover, 39% of female-headed households received remittances as one of their sources of income, suggesting that there are still high numbers of men living and working away from their families.
Poverty
Not only are many families disrupted in one way or another, but many live in households facing poverty.
About 5.6 million children aged between 0 and 17 were living in overcrowded households in 2008, just under a third of all children in this age category. An overcrowded household is defined as one in which there are more than two people for each room in the house (excluding bathrooms but including communal living areas such as sitting rooms and kitchens). This figure has risen by about a third since 2002.
Only 34% of children under the age of 18 were living in households with an employed adult in 2008. In other words, two thirds of children are growing up living in households in which nobody works. Despite this, both the number and the proportion of children living in households where there is reported child hunger decreased between 2002 and 2008, from 5.2 million (30%) to 3.3 million (18%). Moreover, the proportion of children living in income poverty has fallen from 77% in 2002 to 64% in 2008.
Perhaps the roll-out of the child support grant (CSG) has helped to alleviate poverty for many families who do not have employment.
In 2009/10, some 9.4 million children received the CSG. In 2010 children under the age of 16 qualified for this grant, but the age threshold will be extended to the under-18s in the next two years. It has been calculated that according to the means test of caregivers’ incomes, 82% of children aged 0-13 years were eligible for the grant in 2007. The child support grant is currently R250 per month and is available to caregivers whose income is less than ten times the amount of the grant.
There is significant evidence to suggest that outcomes for children growing up in poverty are worse than for those who have enough. Research in the UK has found that pregnancy rates among teenage girls living in the most deprived areas are six times higher than among those living in the most affluent areas. Moreover, 73% of 18-35 year-old South Africans who had a childhood where there was not enough money for basic things such as food and clothes had never had a job, compared to 41% of those who had a childhood where their family had extra money for things such as luxury goods and holidays.
Conclusion
Many South African children are not growing up in safe and secure families. Some are affected by poverty, while others are burdened by the effects of the HIV/AIDS pandemic. This pandemic has resulted in an epidemic of orphanhood and child-headed households, which has left many children having to fend for themselves.
Single-parent households are the norm in South Africa, with the majority of children growing up with one parent — most likely a mother. Increasing numbers of fathers are absent, and a ‘crisis of men’ in South Africa seems to be perpetuating patterns of abuse and desertion that will most likely continue with future generations.
A racial dimension is evident in many of the trends associated with family life. African families are more likely to have single parents and absent fathers than other race groups, particularly Indian families. The long-term effects of apartheid policies such as the migrant labour system may be part of the explanation, although this would not explain why some trends are worsening even as the distance in time between the enforcement of this system and the present increases. Socioeconomic dimensions are also important. Families living in poverty and those who experience unemployment are more likely to have dysfunctional family environments.
In South Africa, urgent questions need to be raised about why these trends seem to be on the increase. Difficult issues such as attitudes to parental responsibility and attitudes to monogamy and commitment to relationships need to be publicly discussed, and addressed by broader society.
Why do parents, particularly fathers, fail to acknowledge their children? If this is seemingly acceptable to broader society, why is this so? What values are being passed on to children?
Due to the availability of data, this research has focused on the presence of mothers and fathers in children’s lives, but many children are growing up with extended family members. Some 8% of children live in ‘skip-generation’ households with grandparents or great aunts or uncles. More research needs to be done into the effects on children of extended family parenting. Are grandparents stepping in to provide the support children are not getting from their parents, or are they illequipped to deal with the burden of parenting?
It is evident that familial breakdown is circular, where children growing up in dysfunctional families are more likely to have dysfunctional families themselves.
The second Fast Facts on South African families, to be published in April 2011, will discuss the implications of broken families for the youth. It will show how youth who come from dysfunctional families and communities are more likely to engage in risky behaviour and contribute to social breakdown.
* This report was prepared by Gail Eddy and Lucy Holborn of South African Institute of Race Relations

Thursday, December 26, 2013

A day in the life of an ageing missionary. Ha!

NOmonde's son, Lita,  was 37, I think, about the same age as Jill?  The way I got it is that he had left the place where he stayed (one of the rooms he was renting, but didn't pay his rent, from his mother,  Nomonde, at the preschool) Christmas eve sometime. He came back, it seems, with some of his buddies, early on Christmas, after a night of drinking. I don't know after that but about 5am on christmas day he/they left his little flatlet and went out the driveway (seemingly walking) and it was there, on the street just outside the preschool, that he was stabbed and, it seems again, that he died instantly there in the street.  I got this from Nomonde's husband.
    The morning of the 26th (on the feast of Stephen), I was up early, said Mass and morning prayers, had some bran and muelsli for breakfast ( supposed to help the system but doesn't do much), and by 5:45am was out cutting the grass (dignifying the weeds by calling them grass). Just before 7am, I stopped to have a cup of coffee and watch the news. Shortly after 7:30, Nomonde phoned to ask if I could come and cut the grass (weeds) at her place to prepare it for the funeral and the people who would be coming now. I loaded the weed-eater into the car with the other stuff and went over to her place (about 15 minutes away, half tar and half dirt--remember MaMiya's road. Ha!) and started chopping away at the weeds. In the meantime, her two sisters, Vuyiswa and Nondumisa, arrived and I greeted them and, sometime later, two of her three brothers, Zola and Xolani, also arrived. I hadn't seen them  for many years now. They are all teachers and if they opened a school of their own it would probably be the best private school in the country. They all have the DNA of their mother who was also a school teacher and are fantastic. So I cut grass till around 12:30, having a glass of juice once in between, and  cup of coffee at the end. I am grateful to be able to still do stuff like that at my age. My back complained a bit but nothing serious. It was very encouraging for Nomonde to have the love and support of her family members around. Her eldest, Nomaza, was there with her husband, and she is a born enterpreneur so I asked her to give me a rundown of the expenses so that I could make a contribution. We talked about the tent to rent, along with chairs and  transport. It came to about R4000. So I said, at least as a start, I would go to the bank and get that money for them so that they could nail down that deal and that it would be one less worry for them. I am sure that I can add more later, especially for food to feed the hordes, now and at the funeral (When  I was living in Tsolo, I went to the Boer farmers and got a sheep for R80 to R100. That was back then. Now a bloody sheep costs R1500. Bloody greedy capitalists, milking the poor!!!) I was tired and hungry and very dirty and sweaty and turned down the invitation to have something to eat but just wanted to get back home and take a shower and have a siesta. But, by the time I got home and offloaded all the stuff and put it away, I was too tired to even think of a wash so I just brushed myself off and laid down for a rest. Maybe an hour later I got up and had a good shower and then got to work making a salad (lettuce, green pepper, tomatoe, celery, carrot, brocolli) and then took some of the meat out of the fridge (I had invited Nomonde and her husband, Luthando, and Siyamthanda to have a meal with me here in my flat at Beford, but now, Here I was stuck with all this food--the reason why I refused their offer) and made some gravy and stuck the meat in the gravy and warmed all up in the micro for a minute. In the meantime, I had put a lone potato in the micro for 6 minutes (you can remember this recipe), with the skin and all, mashed it and drowned it in the gravy and meat and gorged myself, along with the salad, with olive oil and Balsamic. It was a shame that I was all alone but what else??? It was early still, about 4:30 in the afternoon so I kept myself busy answering emails etc. and after the last news at 7:30 I had some Ice Cream and cold hot fudge for dessert. How's that for the poor missionary!! It was actually meant to be their dessert but would be totally out of place now. I think that I will have to take this stuff (meat and ice cream ) over to Fr. Guy for his guys.
    Although it was still early, about 8pm, I was tired so I decided to hit the sack but really couldn't sleep so early so here I am, (it's going on 11:30pm) writing a book late at night after having another look at the latese emails.
   Nomonde  had just enrolled Siyamthanda in a very prestigious school that was going to cost her R34,000 this year. Well, the funeral will make a serious dent in what she still has to pay for that child. But she is a stubborn and determined mother and will go into even more debt for her last born. That is another of my big concerns. She has no idea about finances and budgeting and when I try to talk to her and explain why this is impossible, she starts to shed tears and I lose again. Logic has nothing to do with her finances. She has helped all her siblings to get through school since she is the eldest and they needed her help so she never had more than a few cents in her account. Only now she begins to earn a bit more because of her bachelor's degree (what a triumph) but still not nearly enough to be able to afford the realization of her dreams for Siyamthanda (Siyamthanda, by the way, means, We love her) I can;t sleep still, but I will quit now because it will take you till new year's to read  this or you may even throw it away half way through   
     Thanks for the love and friendship over the years, through good times and bad and Mary  Love and Peace, Cas
With this explanation of the meaning of Christmas, one wonders, today, if you go to the shopping malls and stores and see the advertising, what Christ (Jesus) has to to with Christmas. His name isn't even mentioned. This fact is highlighted by the story of the young boy who is with his granny in the department store, looking at the long queue of kids lined up to see Santa Claus, sit on his lap and tell him what gifts I want to get for Christmas ( a bicycle, a Barbie Doll set, some Lego's, a new I-pad, etc.). The this young guy turns to his granny and asks " where is the line to see Jesus". Who???
What does he have to do with Christmas. Love and Peace, Cas

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
For other uses, see Christmas (disambiguation).
"Christmas Day" and "Merry Christmas" redirect here. For other uses, see Christmas Day (disambiguation) and Merry Christmas (disambiguation).
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Christmas
Christmas Day
Nativity tree2011.jpg
depiction of the Nativity with a Christmas tree backdrop
Also calledNoël, NativityXmasYule
Observed byChristians
Many non-Christians[1][2]
TypeChristian, cultural
SignificanceTraditional commemoration of the birth ofJesus
ObservancesChurch services, gift giving, family and other social gatherings, symbolic decorating
DateDecember 25 (in most places) or January 7, or January 6 or 19[3][4][5]
Related toChristmastideChristmas EveAdvent,AnnunciationEpiphanyBaptism of the Lord,Nativity FastNativity of ChristYule
Christmas (Old EnglishCrÄ«stesmæsse, meaning "Christ's Mass") is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ[6][7] and a widely observed cultural holiday, celebrated generally on December 25[3][4][5] by millions of people around the world.[2][8] A feast central to the Christian liturgical year, it closes the Advent season and initiates the twelve days of Christmastide, which ends after the twelfth night.[9] Christmas is a civil holiday in many of the world's nations,[10][11][12] is celebrated by an increasing number of non-Christians,[1][13][14] and is an integral part of the Christmas and holiday season.
While the birth year of Jesus is estimated among modern historians to have been between 7 and 2 BC, the exact month and day of his birth are unknown.[15][16] His birth is mentioned in two of the four canonical gospels. By the early-to-mid 4th century, the WesternChristian Church had placed Christmas on December 25,[17] a date later adopted in the East,[18][19] although some churches celebrate on the December 25 of the older Julian calendar, which corresponds to January in the modern-day Gregorian calendar. The date of Christmas may have initially been chosen to correspond with the day exactly nine months after early Christians believed Jesus to have been conceived,[20] or with one or more ancient polytheistic festivals that occurred near southern solstice (i.e., the Roman winter solstice); a further solar connection has been suggested because of a biblical verse[a] identifying Jesus as the "Sun of righteousness".[20][21][22][23][24]
The celebratory customs associated in various countries with Christmas have a mix of pre-ChristianChristian, and secular themes and origins.[25] Popular modern customs of the holiday include gift givingChristmas music and caroling, an exchange of Christmas cards,church celebrations, a special meal, and the display of various Christmas decorations, including Christmas treesChristmas lights,nativity scenesgarlandswreathsmistletoe, and holly. In addition, several closely related and often interchangeable figures, known asSanta ClausFather ChristmasSaint Nicholas, and Christkind, are associated with bringing gifts to children during the Christmas season and have their own body of traditions and lore.[26] Because gift-giving and many other aspects of the Christmas festival involve heightened economic activity among both Christians and non-Christians, the holiday has become a significant event and a key sales period for retailers and businesses. The economic impact of Christmas is a factor that has grown steadily over the past few centuries in 

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Dear Everyone,
    It is still Sunday, Dec. 15th, the day of Mandela's burial. There were ninety five candles behind the altar in remembrance of his 95 yrs. here on earth with us. I thought that it was especially meaningful because each of those candles represents the light that he brought into the lives of so many throughout the world. Even sitting here in my room, after having celebrated mass with a community of mostly children, I stretched out my hand as the coffin passed by and sais, hamba kahle, go well, Madiba. Everyone who had even the slightest connection with him, even just standing at the side of the road as he was whisked past, felt moved and touched by his spirit. Me too. I guess that it is clear, the rest is up to us. How can we, even is a very small way, make our world a better place for those who live here. One of the things that is so noticeable is that almost every picture of Mandela show him smiling, and we all know that he liked to smile. Drop a line when you get a chance. I don't go to facebook anymore because I just don't have time to spend as many do catching up on so many things there. If you want to contact me, here is my email: frcascmm50@gmail.com  Send me yours and I will answer. I promise. Love and Peace Fr. Cas

Mandela's funeral and preparations d

Hey, it took me over an hour to remember how to post a new blog. I am not the IT fundi that some of you think I am. However I want to share with you what has been happenning this past week.
    Ever since Mandela went home to his eternal rest (the end of the long journey to freedom---free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, free at last).
     Mthatha is always crowded because it is an overgrown hick town, but this past week, Holy Moses. I wanted to go over to visit Fr. Guy and his boys on Saturday evening (I usually share a meal with them once or twice a week to keep in touch with his boys as well as to give him my support) but when I left where I stay (about 2 km from the main road to Mthatha), when I arrived at the main road to Mthatha--in one direction you go to the airport, in the other direction you go to Mthatha. It is 9 km. just over 5 1/2 miles and the queue started right there as I tried to get out on the  highway. I did it but when I saw the line of cars, I turned around and went back home to my place next to the orthopedic hospital at Bedford and phoned Fr. Guy to tell him it was impossible. So I ate my leftovers.
     But it has been a psychologically draining week, much like I remember when JFK was assassinated. The TV went all day long for 24hrs. with stories about Mandela and his history, and tributes to him, etc. etc. etc. I am like a sponge. Sometimes I had to smile, as I said before, and other times I was in tears. He was just special special special.
    When interviewing a few Afrikanners to get their opinion about Mandela, most of them confessed that they had been brainwashed by their society and thought of Mandela as a killer, a terrorist, and all blacks were things (not necessarily people) to be frightened of. One lady told the story of hearing a knock on her door and when she opened it, there was a little about 10 yrs..old black kid asking for a piece of bread. He was in tattered clothes and looked skinny enough to believe that he was hungry, but she was so frightened of him because of the pre-programming that went on about how terrible all aftricans were, she slamned the door in his face. Now when she thinks back, after discovering a Mandela that is the total opposite of everything that she ever heard, she cries because of what she did and is ashamed. I believe it was this same lady who said that her son was a policeman and was assigned to guard Mandela now that he was president. Unfortunately, her son got in an accident and was in the hospital. Mandela visited the hospital to cheer him up and brought him some chocolates. She was devastated at how she used to think of him. And so it was with so many others.
    The legacy that he has left is one of forgiveness, reconciliation, building understanding and unity. When he was president, he paid a visit to Oranje, a part of south Africa that is inhabited by Boers, Afrikaaners, who, at least at that time, did not want a black president and didn't want to be a part of south Africa. They wanted to have an independent white state. He went there to have a cup of tea with Mrs. Betsy Verwoerd, the wife of the man who forced apartheid upon south africa. That is like Daniel entering the lion's den.
     Then he went to have lunch with a man named Percy something who was the prosecutor in his case back in 1962 and had asked for the death penalty. He invited his warder from his prison days to his inauguration as a VIP. But the frosting on the cake was when he donned the Springbok jersey ( The Springboks are the rugby team--called at that time, the National Party at play) with the number 6, the captain's number and presented the trophy (having just won the world cup in rugby, South Africa being able to play in international rugby because of Mandela--previously they had been banned from world competition because of their apartheid policies) to Francois Pienaar and thanked him for leading " our " team to victory. Pienaar never forgot what an honor that was coming from Mandela and he said that he was unable to sing the national anthem because he was afraid that he would cry since he was so touched and overwhelmed by this gesture of forgiveness and reconciliation. It would be the same as though a Jew would put on a Swastika, such a hated symbol by the Jews.
     I have heard more planes this last week, even jets, big and small (we just finished a runway that is able to hanldle big jets, most likely expecting that Mandela would soon be returning to his maker, just in time) than I have heard in the 20 yrs. before.
    I had Mass this morning with a small community, mostly kids, and we combined our preparation for Christmas with joining with the others in laying to rest our beloved Tata. We will see how much we will be able to imbibe his spirit. One commentator said that he was who he was not in spite of the 27 yrs. in prison but because of those years when he had the time to reflect and grow into who he became while there. When he was asked, some time ago, by an interviewer, whether he ever hated his jailers and oppressors. He admitted that he did feel that way at one time but later realized that as long as he hated, he was not free and he wanted to be free. So when he walked out of that prison, he hated no one because he wanted to be truly free. Does that say something to us in our world of today when there is so much hatred and violence.
    Hey, this is enough for one day, in fact more than I intended. I love you all and have renewed my resolution to work for the kind of society that Mandela lived and died for. Peace to you all.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Last night, Sunday, Dec. 8th, I wanted to sit down and start on my Christmas letter, but I had the TV on and was fascinated by the stories about the struggle of Nelson Mandela, the sacrifices he made, the suffering he went through, to achieve this dream of a free, democratic south africa and I was mesmerized and wasn't able to continue. I was part of that struggle, as you well know, and it brought back many memories. Sometimes I wanted to smile and other times I felt like weeping. There is no doubt that he has touched all of us, far and near with his being just who he was, humble, committed, forgiving, reconciling, giving us a pattern for our own lives where we may find some of these things seemingly too challenging for us, but if he did it, against all odds, then there is no excuse to believe that we can't do the same. He made the gospel values come alive. Now the rest is up to us, wherever we may be, to take up the challenge to make our own contribution to making this world a better  place in whatever way we can. I will stop here. Love and Peace, Cas